Thanks to a lot of reading, I was well prepped for the no sleep, no sex, sore nipples, saggy vagina, saggy boobs, loose skin and stretch marks. If I expected the worse it wouldn’t be too much of a shock. I was all set for the loss of my social life, so much so watching Game of Thrones, heavily muted, in the very early hours of the morning became the highlight of my week. I had purchased the fat sanitary towels that can only be described as walking around with a loaf of bread between your legs, and stocked up on breast pads. I was a realist and expecting my post birth self to be in a pretty bad state. I obviously wasn’t expecting a 15cm abdominal scar but hey ho that’s life! There were things that I may have been a little naive on though. Being a first time parent you have no idea what to expect so I have put together a few little reality checks. Please note this is only a bit of humour and being a parent really is the best job in the world. Not to say it’s all easy breezy but it is all worth it in the end.
Expectation: Yes it’s going to really hurt but I should be able manage my pain and not shout/swear/moan at my partner!
Reality: It sucks. Being induced sucks. Gas and Air did nothing for me…it was all about the epidural. Before that I feel that I probably did all of the things I said I wouldn’t do (not that I really remember). I’m not a ‘huggy’ person so I just wanted to be on my own. I also didn’t expect just how little dignity I would have by the time Ted would arrive. There you are sprawled out for the world and you just don’t care. Made me far less concerned about taking my bra off for an ECG or getting it all out for a smear test now!! (On a side note…it’s so important you have a smear test. I know it’s unpleasant but life saving).
DAY THREE AND POST BABY HORMONES
Expectation: Yes it’s a massive change but give me a few days and I will start to be in the swing of things. I’ll be fine!
Reality: After a few days of complete euphoria, all cosied up in hospital with one very sleepy newborn…day three hits…and so do the hormones. You thought pregnancy made you emotional…just you wait. You cry when baby cries, you cry because the health visitor is late, you cry because you thought about crying etc. You have never doubted yourself more and…guess what…you cry! It does get so much better but my god are those hormones powerful.
Expectation: Yes I’m going to be surrounded by dirty nappies and the odd projectile vomit but surely it can’t be that bad?
Reality: No one can quite prepare you for the stench that can be made by someone so little or just how far a dirty nappy can explode. I knew Muslins would be needed but I wasn’t expecting how many of them I would go through in one day…or vest and outfits for that matter! Dribble bibs will become your best friends and you will find them everywhere. I swear I’m producing them! I also wasn’t expecting that I would be wiping milky fluff from the rolls of a chubby little neck, cleaning spew off my jeans with a wet wipe -that counts as clean right? – or I would be enduring the twice weekly fight of trimming the world’s fastest growing fingernails. Even though I would like to go out not covered in dribble wearing this seasons latest accessory of the Muslin square over the shoulder, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love the challenges motherhood brings and it’s made all the better that every time you wipe the dribble of Ted’s chin, you are greeted by the biggest smile as someone loves the fuss!!
POST BABY BODY
Expectation: Yeah it may take me a little while but surely I will be able to squeeze back into my mint leather skirt or that gingham 50s style dress I am yet to wear by the end of the summer?
Reality: There is about a month and a half left of summer and I can barely squeeze a leg into that leather skirt! The bum and hips I didn’t think could possible get any bigger did in fact do so and a combination of two stubborn extra stone and a mum tum are limiting my options.
However, my mindset is definitely changing and I’m feeling far better about myself. This is probably been helped by the fact that the London tube map adorning my tummy is starting to fade and I’m now far less cottage cheese and more jelly on a plate. I will take jelly over cottage cheese any day!! I read in a blog post recently that “Your body shape has changed, so you’re dressing for a shape you’re not familiar with, and one that is constantly changing. You’re a different person when you’ve had a baby too, so you need to get your head around dressing for a new identity” This is so very true and has summed up what I’ve been feeling for the past three months. I love my new identity and I definitely don’t want my old one back so why am I trying to get back to that? It may take me a little while to establish exactly who the new me is but, in the meantime, I’m not going to keep punishing myself!
Oh and on the plus side…I’m down 4lbs. Wool! I’ve been trying to loose weight for a while now but the scales haven’t shifted so this has made me one very happy Mama!
Have a lovely rest of the weekend!!
Lots of love, Hattie x