Hello! I’m so sorry I’ve been absent for a while. I’m writing the post using up all my 4G from our new home and, as you can imagine, I have had a hectic two weeks getting everything sorted. I never realised how much of a hoarder I am until I had to empty out the annex. I can’t stand the idea of cluttering our new home so I’ve had to be brutal and let’s just say the charity shops around here are going to be doing very well. It’s weird how all of a sudden I feel so grown up and feel like I can actually be a proper parent to Ted. It’s quite scary actually but I’m sure we will settle into it all soon. Just got to get used to managing everything and I have a feeling I will being turning into a manic list maker!
The past month or so has been so busy and I can’t believe that in less than two weeks I will be returning to work. I’m dreading going back if I’m honest. Not because of the place or the people as they really are great, but because I feel so guilty for leaving Ted. I hate to think of him going to a place where he might not be happy or he might think I’ve left him. I also hate the thought of missing out on his firsts. He has so many milestones coming up and I really don’t want to miss any of them. My boy is my everything and I want to give him the world. In order to do that I know I have to work but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel horrendous doing it. I’m being reminded that “he’s too little to be going” or “he’s just so small” which doesn’t help how I’m feeling. I know it will be good as he can make friends, learn how to share and socialise with others and I know we have picked a great nursery. I just have to keep reminding myself of that as I’m really stuggling with it and burst into tears daily at the thought. Has any one out there sent your child to nursery around five/six months? Let me know what your experience was. He’s only going to be there for three mornings a week but I can’t stop feeling so down about it all.
Anyway…despite being in a right pickle about Ted going to nursery, I’m so excited to be in our first family home!! The first night was a bit nerve racking for me as not only was Ted in a strange place but he was also in his proper cot for the first time and also in his own room. We decided to bite the bullet and since he was going to be thrown out of sink moving, we decided to transition him to the new cot and own room all in one go. I hated him no being in the room with me and became glued to the baby monitor but, do you know what…he was amazing! He slept through and we didn’t hear anything from him until six the next morning. I’m so proud of him!! Shows that sometimes taking a risk can pay off and be for the better I guess. He has now successfully spent a second night in his new room and I’m sat in bed writing this waiting for him to wake up!
Ted has been doing so well recently and he really is turning into a little man now. He is still super alert, doesn’t really nap during the day and chats for England, but he is also desperately trying to sit up now and is so interested in food it’s unbelievable. Ted will now try and grab your food from you so if you aren’t paying your full attention you will lose that packet of crisps! As he is so interested in food, the health visitors have told us to try giving him a little bit of purée each day to help satisfy him as he is one hungry baby. He is now weighing in at around 17lb and he is so active that he needs that bit extra. I give him a little bit a lunch each day now and it’s funny how much more content he is on that tiny bit. He really doesn’t have too much so it puzzles me to how much of a difference it is making. He loves it and he loves playing with it also! I’m trying the different Ella’s Kitchen pouches with him to get an idea for what flavours he likes and then I will start making big batches up for him. We have only be going at this for just over a week now so it’s still early days but so far…so good!
This year has seen so many huge milestones and I can’t quite believe how quickly it has all gone. Looking back to before Ted I could almost laugh at how grown up and independent I thought I was despite living at home. Omg was I naive. It isn’t until you have a child that you really learn how to be selfless and learn how to live life to its fullest. I had no clue before Ted. I just bobbed along in my own little world worrying about clothes and doing whatever I wanted. Life is so much better now and I really feel like I have a purpose. I was terrified before Ted arrived…I didn’t know if I was going to be able to cope and I worried about what my new life would be like. After a few weeks that changed and I took my new role head on and have just given it my all. I’m feeling that sense of fear again now that I’ve moved into the flat and keep worrying about life without the support of parents. Am I going to be able to pay for everything, keep up with all the housework and resist spending on myself? I know it’s only a temporary feeling, as in a few weeks, it will all seem normal and we will be use to being a three. I guess it’s just the fear of the unknown and the new. It’s exciting but terrifying at the same time!