One thing they don’t tell you when you give birth to your first child is that you also give birth to a little fairy too. We are talking the kind of fairy that sits on your shoulder and stays with you throughout your journey of motherhood. She is kind of like Tinkerbell but without the cute pom pom slipper or that amazing hourglass silhouette and she is a complete and utter total b***h. Instead of a wand, she carries a little cloud of guilt doom and her purpose is to make you feel guilty about everything from the get go. If you have pain relief during childbirth, you are weak or selfish. God forbid you have a C Section as that is just cheating! She is great at making you feel like you have failed.
She pops up again when it comes to how you fed your child. She loves bottle feeders or failed breastfeeders as she likes to call them. If you ever get frustrated because you are just that tired and are no longer functioning correctly, she will be there. She will also be waiting for that moment you turn on CBeebies because you desperately need to get ready, or if you just can’t bring yourself to sit through another baby sensory or massage class.
Then the ultimate guilt hits. The time where your maternity leave is coming to an end and you have to think about going back to work. God forbid you want to provide for your child and consider working again. That shitty, little fairy will make you feel horrendous for leaving your child. I can only imagine that the guilt is going to grow evermore as Ted grows up. “Oh he is watching TV again”. “Chicken and chips for tea…that’s nutritious…#MumOfTheYear”.
She knows that it does get tedious playing the same games over and over again and that sometimes I would rather flick through instagram instead of rolling than running around bringing a ball back because your little one can’t crawl to it yet. However, there is a way to shut her up for a bit. Somewhere in the fog that is your mummy brain is logic, and logic is the key to keeping her quiet. If you stay off the scary Facebook groups and shut those parenting books, the logical part of your brain will start working and you will realise that you aren’t doing as badly as you think. All of those things you feel guilt about, chances are every other mum out there are feeling them too, despite what they say! As long as your child is happy and healthy, you really shouldn’t feel bad about the decisions you make. You are the one that knows what is best for your little one and no shitty guilt fairy can tell you otherwise!