Here’s To The Ones That Dream

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As I sit here listening to the soundtrack for what must be the millionth time, I think it is fair to say I have officially caught the La La Land bug! I’m obsessed. Not just because it’s an unbelievabley well scripted and shot film that happens to include a certain Ryan Gosling wearing the best suits and brogues (literal dream), but also because some of the messages in this film have come through at the exact point I needed them to! I’m not talking about reviving Jazz and returning it to it’s glory days, even though I will admit that after seeing it just once I suddenly find myself passionate about Jazz Music and have a sudden urge to start tap dancing or learn the piano. I’m talking about not giving up on the plan you have made for yourself – that ideal in your head that we all strive for. We all have that one thing that we want from our lives and it’s easy to admit defeat and leave that idea behind.

I have found myself in a bit of a rut lately. I love my new mother role and Ted is my world, but I can’t help missing parts of the old me. The part of me that spent hours wondering around exhibitions, discovering quirky, independent cafes and shops and the creative me. I miss being surrounded by great design. I know the older that Ted gets the more I will be able to get out and do these sort of things again and I can’t wait to share them with him and be creative together. I always dreamed of being a designer or running my own Insta-worthy, independent shop or both maybe. Yes, I am starting to get back into designing now and I am loving it, but part of me can’t forgive myself for letting my confidence hold me back and not go for it sooner. So in the spirit of January’s new beginnings, I am going to channel my inner Seb and Mia and I am going to work to make my dreams happen. I’m feeling confident for the first time in forever and I am motivated. I am going to go freelance and surround myself in creativity once more. I will provide a good future for Ted and I and make him proud of his mama. I might even invest in a pair of monochrome brogues to mark the occasion as I tap dance away to another day of sun!! Watch this space!

Love Trumps Hate

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I have learnt over the last few years that expressing your views on politics is a really easy way to end a friendship. In fear of upsetting someone or causing unnecessary drama, I have learnt to hold my tongue and keep my opinions to myself. It’s easier to remain quiet than to start debate and risk people not liking me. It is strange because before I was never one to keep my views to myself and it often got me into trouble. I guess as I grew up I didn’t want to get into trouble anymore so just gave up expressing my opinions.

Recently I read a post online which included the following quote: “In the cause of justice: never stay silent just so that others can remain comfortable”. It really got me thinking that maybe I was wrong to just sit there and keep quiet to avoid upsetting someone even if it was upsetting myself. There is nothing wrong with voicing our opinions as long as we voice them with a sense of consideration and respect. Politics doesn’t have to be divisive. We can disagree about issues and still love one another. There is nothing wrong with standing up for something you believe in or against something you don’t. Simple as. When something isn’t right we should stand up against it without fear and speak out for what we believe in.

Yesterday I had a very heavy heart. Replacing an intelligent, cultured and kind President with someone who mocks the disabled, sexually harasses women and who is outright racist has made my heart ache. Trump becoming President has shown the world exactly how backwards it still can be. It has shown that people can still see one type of person to be better than another and how little respect these apparent ‘lower’ people receive. Trump has voiced his opinions loud and clear, some might say he is entitled to, but he has done so with such little respect and consideration. He had offended and hurt so many, and the really scary thing is that he has followers who think what he is saying is right. They believe that women are second class, that it is ok to mock someone with a disability or to judge someone on the colour of their skin or by who they love. I genuinely can not get my head around how someone can think this way and that people are having to protest against this still. It’s 2017…this shit should be well in the past by now.

Today is the day Women all over the world are marching together for equality. They are standing up against division, fear and hate! It’s a march for solidarity, equality and a voice for all and it is bloody brilliant. I don’t want to see the next generation grow up disrespecting one another. I want my son to grow up in a world full of equality. Where people love and respect and where people help each other to be the best they can be. Ted will learn to have the upmost respect for everyone he meets. He will learn to love and value everyone’s opinions and views but also speak out against things he believes to be wrong. I have kept quiet about so many issues for too long but this is one I simply can not hold my tongue on. Unfortunately I can’t make the march today but I will do all that I can to show my support of these fantastic marchers and will never let someone with a derogatory view go unchallenged. Thank you to every women who is marching on our behalf today. I am with you in spirit and salute with you awesome wonder women. Watch out Trump because there is no force more powerful than a woman determined to rise!

Nine Months In, Nine Months Out

 

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On the 2nd of January, you were nine months old.

We’ve passed the six month stage and still have a way to go until your first birthday, yet for some reason I’m very nostalgic that you’ve been alive nine whole months.

Because that’s the amount of time you were inside my body. Nine whole months – from egg to cell to foetus. That’s the amount of time your body developed in my body.

And in that same amount of time out of my body, you’ve learnt how to feed. How to differentiate night from day. You’ve established a rough sleeping pattern. You rolled over. You’ve devoured numerous cottage pies and spa bols. You’ve turned that roll into some sort of army crawl. You can sit up unaided and cross your feet out in front of you whilst doing so. You know to be gentle around animals and have the sweetest way of saying Mama. And just about the cutest of all these things – you chatter away in your little voice when you wake in a morning.

I love how you now play and interact. How you are not loyal with your smiles and just flash them to anyone and how infectious your laugh is. I love how you sit and entertain yourself with toys – and even watch TV. You light up to the familiar sounds of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Sofia the First and In the NightGarden. Seriously – Sofia is definitely your first love. Never seen someone light up quite like you do.

In nine whole months, it’s ridiculous how far we’ve all come. And how much you’ve changed. But most of all, you’ve become your own little person. So content and happy. It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year since the first concerns were made about the sheer size of you. Where I was already looking full term and waddling about all over the place.

I love my new role as a mama more than anything. I love that I can be your role model. That you touch (pull) my hair and my necklace. But I can’t wait til those are the things you want to talk about and play with. You’ve awoken a drive and determination in me that I never knew I had.

I’m taking the slow down advice very seriously more than ever now in fear of your first year just flying by. Winter is the perfect, snuggly time of year.. So we are going to cuddle up together and see away the cold and the rain. Enjoying each other’s company in our pj’s a few hours more than we really should some days. In the beginning, I was forcing myself to be showered, dressed and made-up. I was worried that if I didn’t, I’d fall into a trap of never getting changed or leaving the house. So it is nice to take time of us and not rush around like a blue arsed fly each morning.

We’ve gotten out of the last nine months exactly what we wanted from each other; you learning how to feed and entertain yourself, me learning more about myself than I have in my whole lifetime. The next few months have some big moments to look forward to. You have the excitement of nursery; learning more new things and making new friends. I get to work in new role where I too will have to learn new things and make new friends. But we’re both well equipped. We’re happy, strong and determined.

 

Looking Back Over 2016

What a year it has been! It is fair to say the year Ted was born in wasn’t exactly the best but this year has been everything to me as it’s the year I earnt my mum badge and had my world turned upside down. I know everyone says that you never feel love like you do when you first meet your child but boy are they all right. Ted is the best thing to ever happen to me and I fall more and more in love with him each day! Let’s take a look back at this whirlwind of a year…

JANUARY

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January saw us properly rly announce our pregnancy by making it facebook official. We were always nervous of doing it too early so felt New Years Day and being six months pregnant was the perfect time to do so.

FEBRUARY

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February marked my baby shower and the start of my maternity leave. My baby shower will always be a highlight for me as it was such a lovely day where I was lucky enough to be surrounded by so many friends and family that now adore Ted and have been so supportive. I really can’t thank them enough.

MARCH

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The march baby we thought we were having was not meant to be! I celebrated one very sober and practical Birthday by satisfying my extreme pizza cravings with friends! It was throughout this month that I ballooned even more and developed a severe waddle at the sheer size of the dinosaur I was carrying everywhere. Oh and England won the Six Nations!

APRIL

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And he arrived! Two days late, 21 hours of labour and one emergency c-section later, I had my 9lb 6oz little man in my arms and my life felt complete.

MAY

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May saw one of my best friends marry the love of her life. Months of planning pulled together to form the most beautiful day and Faye made the most gorgeous bride!

JUNE

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My signature short bob made it appearance once again and my god was it the best decision…made me feel so much more me again after weeks of feeling a bit of a nobody. It also saw the dreaded EU referendum, which wasn’t a highlight of this year, and the Queens Birthday which we celebrated in true British style.

JULY

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July was a month of firsts…first time swimming, first trip away, first ever gig and also the first HOT summer in god knows how long!

AUGUST

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August was our first proper family holiday to Brighton and even though it pissed it down, I wouldn’t of changed I for the world. I fell in love with Brighton and now I can always hold it close to my heart as it was the best choice for Ted’s first trip to the seaside. You can’t get more British than fish and chips on Brighton Pier. This month also saw us move into our first family home and meant the nursery I had been dreaming of for Ted could become a reality.

SEPTEMBER

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I managed to land myself a Product Ambassador job for Cath Kidston so I returned to work and earned my working mama badge. As hard as it was to go back to work and not be with Ted 24/7, it was amazing to have something for me again and to get my brain back into gear.

OCTOBER

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Ted’s first Halloween…need I say more! Also Ted turned six months old!!

NOVEMBER

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November saw us celebrate Daddy’s birthday and, as the weather turned, called for lots of cuddles away from the cold. I think I spent most of November getting way to excited for Ted’s first Christmas.

DECEMBER

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This was a crazy month for us. Ted had his christening at the start of the month and then it was full steam ahead until Christmas. All of our family and friends were excited for the bear’s first festive season so it was full of trips out, parties and lots and lots of presents. Looking back now it was the perfect way to celebrate Ted’s first Christmas and the most perfect way to round up Ted’s birth year!